Sexual virility is a central feature of the “masculine mystique” that is part of male programming in this culture. Yet most men rarely talk about their sexuality with each other, except for stereotypical locker room banter about conquests and scoring.

Men are preoccupied with penis size; surveys reveal that most men believe their penis to be “smaller than average”. In male mythology, penis size is equated with sexual power and performance.

Many men thus have performance anxiety when it comes to sex, and approach each sexual union as a challenge to be met, rather than a playful commingling of two sexed bodies. In fact, using the words “sex” and “playful” in the same sentence sets many men to scratching their heads. Sexuality is often viewed as a kind of release valve, to use when the pressure gets too great to manage. The notion of intimate sexual connection as a form of communication is an alien idea in machismo circles.

By a cruel twist of evolutionary fate, male erections are extraordinarily sensitive – to anger, hurt, criticism, depression, and relationship tension. Erectile dysfunction (impotence) may strike at the heart of a man’s estimation of himself; many men with ED tell no one, withdraw from emotional closeness with women, and do not seek treatment.

Premature ejaculation is another challenge to a man’s sense of virility; also often related to performance anxiety, fears of women, or discomfort in a relationship. (There are many medical conditions which may give rise to both these problems. A thorough medical exam is always indicated.)

Thankfully, men in greater numbers are seeking information and treatment for sexual disorders – and getting better. These books are recommended starting places for reliable information and self-help guidance.

See also: Intimate Relationships; Communication; Sexuality; Men’s Issues; Tantra

Positive Sexuality Resources is a list of recommended readings on many facets of sexuality and human sexual behavior, with an emphasis on sexuality as a positive force in life.

Tantric Sexuality Resources is a large bibliography that covers all aspects of Tantra and Tantric practice. It includes an introductory essay describing the historical development of Tantra and a contextualized approach to understanding modern Tantra.