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Here's a confession - I am secretly in love with Anne Lamott.
Not love love, exactly, but she would be a great friend.
I love her bright spirit, her soggy hopeless neurotic
despondency, her gritty determination to climb back onto the
path. Not to mention the fact that she takes woefulness and
turns it into hilarity, which is one of my favorite things.
Lamott, a Marin County recovering alcoholic evangelical Jesus-
freak who says bad words single mom peacenik Democrat who is also
a great writer, defies categorization. Seriously.
This book is a collection of essays, mostly written originally
for publication at Salon.com, an online literary magazine. The
theme which ties the book together is Lamott's struggle to
navigate through the perplexing challenges of adulthood, and she
chooses to turn to her church and her faith for support and
meaning.
Part of Lamott's gift is to write sentences that sound like the
way real people experience themselves - in the midst of an all-
too-real day, with surly teenagers, hypochondria, imperfect
parents and scary things happening in the world.
In Bird by Bird, Lamott's breakthrough book which has endeared
her to millions of (struggling) writers, she claims that all
writers begin with a "shitty first draft." She must be a hell of
an editor. Her sentences sparkle and surprise and as a writer I
hate her for it. But as I read this book imagining the review I
would write, I kept wanting to underline stuff so I could quote
it.
This is a seriously funny book about faith. Another of Lamott's
gifts is telling the truth -- about the struggles of parenthood,
the grief of losing dear friends, the consuming anger at a parent
who was difficult, fears, worries and failed love. Each of the
essays takes an achingly real life challenge Lamott is facing,
and shows how she attempts to shine the light of faith and hope
and love on it. Her humor allows her to hold on just a bit longer
until an unexpected breakthrough occurs.
"On my forty-ninth birthday, I decided that all of life was
hopeless, and I would eat myself to death. These are desert
days. Better to go out by our own hands than to endure slow
death by scolding at the hands of the Bush administration."
These opening sentences, in the first essay "ham of god" put the
reader on notice that we are in uncharted territory here. By
that I mean the unique combination of despair, wry humor,
spiritual questing and realpolitik - leavened with love and
gratitude.
Life can turn on a dime for Anne Lamott. While enjoying a
meditative moment in the hills above her Marin County home - "I
closed my eyes, breathed in calm, and grass; and then, the piece
de resistance: the smell of dog shit filled my nose, sharp as
ammonia, and foul." It gets worse. "Then I looked at the sole
of my shoe. My entire childhood passed before my eyes -- kids
holding their noses in schoolyards, parents commanding us all out
of the car, demanding that we check our feet." She concludes:
"It's a miracle that more of us didn't shoot up our
neighborhoods."
Lamott describes her struggles to forgive her mother. "In a
superhuman show of spiritual maturity, I moved my mother's ashes
today from the back of the closet, where I'd shoved them a few
weeks after she died." Her mother had been difficult,
preoccupied, needy. "So I left her in the closet for two years
to stew in her own ashes, and I refused to be nice to her, and
didn't forgive her for being a terrified, furious, clinging,
sucking maw of need and arrogance."
As she was moving the ashes, she discovered her mother's purse
and hesitantly opened the time capsule of her mother's life -
filled with old tissues, band-aids, pictures of grandchildren,
expired library cards, ACLU and Sierra Club membership cards.
Something began to shift inside her. "I don't actually forgive
her much yet. Besides, only part of a day had passed, and I was
definitely not hating her anymore. Grace means you're in a
different universe from where you had been stuck, when you had
absolutely no way to get there on your own."
I'd love to go on quoting from this dazzling, super-ordinary
performance art book, but I don't want to deprive you of the
pleasure of having your own laughter and tears as you read this
little masterpiece.
The God-talk in this book is serious, though I in no way felt
assaulted by it. Anne Lamott wears her faith lightly and doesn't
need to convince anyone of anything. She's too busy trying to
get through her day.
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