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Self-Esteem and Assertiveness |
To feel good about oneself is a wonderful thing! Nagging self-criticism, self-doubt, and self-loathing are dark clouds many of us struggle with. Solid self-esteem brings with it a sense of self-confidence and empowerment, and grants us the ability to move through the world to grapple with life’s challenges, difficulties, and setbacks.
Assertiveness is the ability to confidently and non-aggressively put forth what one needs and wants. It also includes the ability to draw lines and enforce boundaries where needed.
Self-esteem, self-confidence and assertiveness are behaviors that are learned – and it is never too late to learn and practice these positive aspects of self-care. The books listed below offer step-by-step approaches to learning and strengthening self-esteem.
See also: Success and Personal Effectiveness; Creativity; Spirituality; Prosperity Consciousness
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You can rely on our custom-designed format and outstanding content for the best in recommended self-help books and products!
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Selected Self-Help Books and Products on Self-Esteem and Assertiveness
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Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Your Dreams
Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
This collection of 101 stories is based on the belief that true testimonies of goodness and loving transformations can nourish us to the bone and heal the cynicism in our hearts. The short, simple stories tell about an event, a person, or an everyday miracle that exemplifies the best of the human spirit. This multi-million selling book reminds readers that dreams really do come true for those who dare to believe that obstacles can be overcome with persistence, patience, and belief in oneself.
2003, HCI |
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The Confident Child: Raising Children To Believe In Themselves
Terri Apter
This book focuses on the age span from 5 to 15, the time in life when self-esteem and confidence are most delicate and at the same time most sensitive to nurturing. Chapters cover assessing a child’s self-esteem, being an imperfect parent without ruining your child’s life, maintaining a delicate balance of discipline, helping the child deal with success and failure at school, the effects of sibling rivalry, social confidence, and the early teen years.
1998, Bantam |
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Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
Daniel Goleman
In this fascinating book based on brain and behavioral research, Goleman argues that our view of intelligence is far too narrow. He suggests that emotional intelligence -- defined in terms of self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy and the ability to love and be loved -- is the strongest indicator of human success. People who possess high emotional intelligence are the people who truly succeed in work as well as play, building flourishing careers and lasting, meaningful relationships.
1997, Bantam |
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Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life : How to Finally, Really Grow Up
James Hollis
James Hollis states in this compelling book that the feeling that you've been living the wrong life, that you're lost and confused, is "an insurgency of the soul," which "overthrows the conscious conduct of our lives." This mental suffering presents an opportunity to embark on a journey transcending expectations foisted on us by others, such as parents, and to find true self knowledge. This book is a helpful guide to this journey.
2005, Amazon |
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The Gay and Lesbian Self-Esteem Book: A Guide to Loving Ourselves
Kimeron Hardin
This personal growth book is specifically aimed at helping gays and lesbians deal with the very particular issues they have in their lives. Hardin examines feelings of shame left over from childhood; discusses how careers, relationships and lifestyle choices are affected by self-doubts; and suggests a variety of proven healing strategies.
1999, New Harbinger |
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Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Steven C. Hayes
This book offers a five-step plan for coping with painful emotions such as anxiety and depression. You can learn to engage with painful thoughts and feelings through step-by-step acceptance and mindfulness-based techniques, discovering how to let go of control, and develop compassion and flexibility.
2005, New Harbinger
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Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness
Sharon Salzberg
Salzberg focuses on the Buddhist meditation practice that emphasizes feelings of love, happiness and compassion and offers practical guidance in performing this type of meditation.
2002, Shambhala |
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Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha
Tara Brach
Brach offers the reader a rich collection of stories and techniques designed to help people awaken from what she calls “the trance of unworthiness.” She asserts that the sense of self-hatred and isolation afflicting so many people in western culture can be transformed with the steady application of a loving attention infused with the insights of the Buddhist tradition.
2003, Bantam |
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Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning
Since its first publication in 1987, this book has been the first choice of therapists and savvy readers looking for a comprehensive self-care approach to improving self-image, increasing personal power, and defining core values. This book has helped millions of readers feel better about themselves, achieve greater success, and enjoy their lives to the fullest.
2000, New Harbinger, 3rd edition |
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The Self-Esteem Companion
Matthew McKay, et. al.
The authors teach readers how to deal with overly high self-expectations and mistakes, handle criticism, and feel more self-confident in their personal relationships. Step-by-step instructions are included for over sixty exercises, including strategies for talking back to the inner critic, making a realistic inventory of personal strengths and weaknesses, and practicing self-compassion.
1999, New Harbinger |
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The Self-Esteem Workbook
Glenn R. Schiraldi, Matthew McKay
The Self-Esteem Workbook presents a course in self-esteem based on new research and sound principles. Checklists, fill-ins, and exercises show readers how thoughts, emotions, physical health, and behavior impact their self-esteem. Periodic check-ups help them gauge their progress, and final sections offer strategies for preventing relapse.
2001, New Harbinger |
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Talking to Yourself: Learning the Language of Self-Affirmation
Pamela Butler
This cognitive therapy approach helps the reader to identify distortions in thinking, shed the self-defeating images of the past, and state a more realistic and workable alternative. A practical book which many people find quite helpful.
1991, HarperCollins |
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Ten Days to Self-Esteem
David Burns
Dr. Burns presents innovative, clear and compassionate methods to help the reader identify the causes of mood slumps and develop a more positive outlook on life. The book emphasizes that negative feelings do not result from the bad things that happen to you but from the way you think about these events. Burns provides a ten-step program to self-esteem; the book is filled with logs, charts and step-by-step guides.
1999, HarperCollins |
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Thoughts & Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life: A Workbook of Cognitive Behavioral Techniques
Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, Martha Davis
This book offers a simple and easy to understand discussion of how to use the principles and techniques of cognitive behavioral therapies to help control anxiety, depression, moods and build self-esteem in your life.
1998, New Harbinger
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What's Right With Me: Positive Ways to Celebrate Your Strengths, Build Self-esteem, and Reach Your Potential
Carlene DeRoo, Carolyn DeRoo
In this book you'll find a warm and engaging set of activities you can use to identify what's right in your life. Through guided reflection and journaling, you'll learn to find strength and self-reliance in your own best qualities.
2006, New Harbinger |
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What to Say When You Talk to Yourself
Shad Helmstetter
Helmstetter describes different levels of self-talk, the most useful being universal affirmation. He outlines a number of strategies including silent self-talk, self-speak, self-conversation, self-writing and creating self-talk tapes. This book is especially helpful for negative thinkers and people low in motivation.
1990, Pocket Books |
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When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Manuel Smith
Dr. Smith describes “your ten assertive rights” and goes on to introduce different assertiveness strategies, including short vignettes to help the reader understand how to apply the techniques in real life. This book teaches practical skills that you can use immediately.
1998,1975, Bantam |
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Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Living
Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons
In this best-selling self-help book the reader learns the differences between assertive, non-assertive and aggressive behavior. Key components of assertive behavior are self-expression, honesty, directness, self-enhancement, not harming others and being socially responsible. The book includes step-by-step guidance for taking first steps and gaining confidence to stand up for one’s rights.
1995, Impact |
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